


Can I talk to you?

by LivesToLead



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb feels unworthy, Chill, Fjords getting a little frustrated, Frustration, Love, Tension, first I love you, it works out in the end, upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 01:03:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14008779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivesToLead/pseuds/LivesToLead
Summary: Caleb was glad to have the fresh air and night breeze to calm him and his ever growing anxiety, also to be away from the group and Fjord was a big help.“Caleb.” He stops dead in his tracks.Then again, things never go smoothly.





	Can I talk to you?

**Author's Note:**

> Quick thing I had to get out of my system  
> Not edited   
> Per usual  
> Happy Readings!

“Can I talk to you? In private?” 

Their setting up camp for the night in an open field when Fjord approaches him. Caleb simply nods before following the half orc as he walks towards the more woodsy part, so they have some illusion of privacy. They stand amongst the trees, sitting in silence as Caleb waits for Fjord to continue. 

“I have to tell you something.” Fjord is playing with his hands and the callouses that lay there, refusing to look Caleb in the eye.

“Alright.” Caleb waits and he can hear Fjord take a few calming breaths before looking up, he licks his lips. 

“Caleb I.” He looks up then back down again and releases a frustrated sigh. “Sorry this is really hard.” Fjord lets out a small chuckle and rubs at his chin.

“Whatever it is,” Caleb begins to walk closer as the moon shines in through the trees “you can tell me, it’s ok.” He smiles as he sets his hand on his friends shoulder making Fjord look up, his yellow eyes almost shining in the dark. 

“I love you.”

Caleb doesn’t move.

Fjord doesn’t move.

Neither of them move or breathe, like deers caught in headlights, they stare at each other. Fjord waits for some form of rejection or, hopefully, acceptance and Caleb waits for Fjord to say he’s kidding and laugh it off before going back to camp.  

“Heh, funny.” Caleb’s voice is disquieted as he quickly removes his hand from Fjord’s shoulder. “Let’s head back to camp.” He turns around hurriedly as he begins to rush off, but Fjord quickly catches his arm. 

Fjord’s heart jumped at Caleb’s reaction and he begins to sweat, he was frantic to catch Caleb before he could run off to where he couldn’t explain himself better. Did Caleb really think he was joking? 

“I’m not kidding around.” Fjord’s voice was desperate as he turns Caleb around to face him, Caleb looks stunned. 

“Oh,” He starts to look everywhere, but Fjord, “what-when did this happen?” Caleb’s not sure what else to say as he begins to kick at the ground a bit. 

“I’m not sure.” Fjord grabs his hand cautiously as if not to spook the wizard. “I just sort of realized that you were starting to become my top priority.” Slowly, he moves closer to him, Caleb’s hand is a bit limp in his hold. 

“So your immediate reaction to that is that you love me?” Caleb asks his voice wary, his eyebrows scrunching together a bit. 

“It’s not just that,” He moves so there’s less than a foot of space between the two, “your smart and funny and one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Fjord begins to rub circles on the back of Caleb’s hand.

Vision’s of fire and screaming flash in Caleb’s mind and he lightly shake his head to push them away. Fjord’s movements stutter for a moment before he gives the hand a comforting squeeze. 

They had been going back and forth between friendly and overly friendly for a while now. Caleb didn’t really know how to react to the new surge of feelings that came with Fjord so he decided to wait until the other man said something, because for all he knew it was all in his mind. 

But it wasn’t in his mind, and now he was being forced to face the facts that Fjord had just shoved in his face. He wasn’t sure how he felt, let alone act.

“Look.” Fjord sighs out his nose and takes a step closer so their almost chest to chest. “You don’t have to worry about answering right away, I’ll give you your space.” Caleb gives a small nod never looking up. “I can wait for you.” Caleb looks up at that and is even more shocked when he feels Fjord’s lips press against his temple. 

He stays still as his heart hammers against his chest, Fjord’s kiss lingers a bit as he pulls away. Caleb can see from the corner of his eye how the bright moon casts a shadow of him and Fjord, he makes sure to memorize the shape of them. 

Caleb stands in place looking between Fjords eye’s looking for any sign of deception or jest, and only finds affection. Fjord gives him a soft smile before walking behind him to go back to where their camp was. Caleb stays in place for a moment before turning around to follow Fjord, before walking away he looks down at his lonely shadow. He walks away. 

The first day was as Fjord expected, a little awkward, but it didn’t get in the way of anything the group was doing. He was serious when he said he wasn’t going to force Caleb into responding right away, he wanted him to take his time. 

The second day was, ok, in the sense that it was filled with more tension, but Caleb made sure to keep any eye contact or contact in general with him to a minimum. It was a bit concerning, but Fjord decided not to worry too much about that. 

The days following were, worse. Caleb’s minimum contact, went spiralling down to no contact. He wouldn’t look at him, kept at least seven feet of distance between them at all times, and he would only talk to him in one worded answers or not at all. Their group was becoming more and more aware of the growing tension between the two. Fjord had even heard molly explaining it as though it was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Nott was constantly by Caleb’s side, so there was no way for Fjord to get the wizard by himself.

It was beginning to irritate Fjord. Just a bit. 

 

It had been a week and Caleb had made up his mind less than a hour after Fjord had told him he loved him. But that wasn’t going to work out.

There was too many reasons for Fjord to not love him then there were for him to love him. Caleb didn’t think he was one worthy of love, let alone Fjord’s love; he didn’t stand out, he’s done horrible things, he’s filthy, he’s never done anything for anyone else that didn’t directly benefit himself. And Fjord, he was just so selfless and kind and smart and absolutely handsome, there was so many things about the half orc that made him want to go running to him, but he couldn’t. There were much worthier beings for Fjord than him.

Though Caleb appreciated the fact that Nott was keeping close to him and making sure that he was alright, sometimes he just needed air. Caleb was able to slip away after they made themselves comfortable at an inn, he of course told Nott before he left so she wouldn’t be worried, he told her he was going for a walk. 

Caleb was glad to have the fresh air and night breeze to calm him and his ever growing anxiety, also to be away from the group and Fjord was a big help. 

“Caleb.” He stops dead in his tracks.

Then again, things never go smoothly.

“We have to talk.” The voice and footsteps come closer, Caleb turns around and Fjords moving hastily towards him. Probably afraid the wizard was going to run off, he had a right to be afraid. 

“Ok.” Simple one worded answers is all Caleb’s been able to give Fjord for the past week. 

Caleb can see Fjord’s feet in front of his. “I know I said I’d give you space, but this is getting ridiculous.” Fjord’s voice sounds exhausted, Caleb says nothing. The silence grows.

“Do you.” Fjord searches for words. “Do you hate me?” It’s blunt and very surprising, Caleb’s head shoots up to look at Fjord.

He almost immediately regrets it, Fjord’s face looks just as exhausted as his voice does, his hair looks a mess, probably from running his hands through multiple time from frustration. There’s slight, but barely visible bags under his eyes, Caleb feels immediate guilt thinking about how Fjord must’ve lost sleep over this. For feelings he may not even have for the wizard. 

“What-Why would you think that?” Caleb asks a bit frustrated, his eyes move back to the ground with scrunched brows. “Of course I don’t hate you, I don’t know where you would get such a silly idea.” It’s a half assed response, that avoids the underlying question.

“Well I don’t know Caleb.” Fjord exasperatedly sets his hands on his hips. “Maybe it’s because you can barely look me in the eye for less than a second, or that you keep avoiding me. Caleb we used to talk, ya know, like friends.” He looks off to the side with a angry gaze. “Can you explain that to me?”

“I-” Caleb tries to search for all the thoughts and feelings in his brain, but the only thing he can say is. “I don’t know.” and it’s pitiful. 

“Is it about me confessing? Do you not feel the same way?” Fjord asks desperately looking for answers. 

“I can’t answer that.” Caleb says, his gaze on Fjord boots hardening. 

“What is it about then?” Caleb can tell Fjord is trying to be patient, but he’s at the end of his rope.

“I don’t know.” Caleb’s voice stiffens. 

“Why can’t you give me an answer?” Fjord shifts from foot to foot, hands squeezing at his hips. Resisting the urge to shake the answer out of Caleb. 

“I don’t know.” He feels like a broken record. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know.”  Fjord repeats angrily. “Look me in the eyes and answer me!” Fjord yells and Caleb looks up with fire in his eyes.

“I. Don’t. Know.” Caleb’s voice is biting. “Don’t you think I would tell you if I could!” Fjord is taken back by the sudden eye contact and yelling. “There’s so many things I want to say, so many things I am thinking, but do you want to know the one thing that comes up the most?!” Caleb doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “Why me? Out of everyone in our group, out of everyone we’ve met along the way. Why me?” Fjord’s gaze changes from shock to sympathy and Caleb looks away immediately, he starts to pace. 

“I mean it has to be a sick joke, something to torture me.” Caleb begins to pull at his hair. “I don’t deserve your kindness or love, after all I’ve done, I don’t deserve anything!” Caleb ignores how some of his hairs come loose and the pain that comes with. “As soon as I get comfortable it’s going to be taken away from me. I can’t stand another loss, another heartbreak!” Fjord continues to stare and Caleb breathes in short breaths searching for air. “Do you understand?” He looks at Fjord who’s looking at him with pity. Caleb swallows thickly when the warlock doesn’t respond. “Good. Now please, leave me alone.” He steps back to put some space between them. 

“I understand.” Fjord’s voice sounds foreign and Caleb takes another step back wrapping his arms around himself, he turns so he doesn’t have to face him anymore.

“Can you please leave-?” His voice cracks, but before he can even finish Fjord cuts in.

“Let me finish.” Fjord grabs him by the shoulders and turns him around. “I understand that your scared. Gods I was terrified when I finally gathered the courage to confess to you, especially when you said nothing, but I didn’t give up on you.” Caleb begins to shake his head wanting to disagree, but Fjord shakes his shoulders a bit. “Caleb I love you.” Caleb looks away his eyes beginning to water.

“No, you don-” He grabs the wizard by the chin so he has to look at him.

“I do.”  Fjord says forcefully. “I love you so much it hurts everytime I’m not near you. Don’t tell me how I feel, because I know how I feel.” The last sentence is more of a rough whisper as Fjord dips down and kisses him. 

Caleb wants to fight, to pull away, to tell Fjord he’s wrong and he doesn’t know what he wants, but he can’t. He gets lost in the feeling of Fjord and everything about him is heaven and Caleb can’t help but give in and kisses him back. Caleb grabs Fjord by his waist so their chest to chest and hangs onto him like he was his only life line. The wizard goes up on his toes to deepen the kiss. A sound builds in the back of Fjords throat at the feeling of Caleb pressing himself as close as he can.

Unwillingly, Fjord pulls away slowly letting their kiss linger just a little bit longer, he looks down at Caleb who follows his lips a bit eagerly. He smiles down at the wizard as he opens his eyes to look up at Fjord. Caleb looks up at him with slightly swollen lips and bright eyes, the moonlight making his blue eyes shine. It feels impossible but Fjord falls deeper in love.

“I think I can give you a proper answer now.” Caleb’s voice is quiet. “And not just because I just had the best kiss of my life.” Fjord gives a bit of a laugh, but waits for Caleb to continue. “I.” Caleb takes a deep breath and releases before continuing. “I love you.” He feels immediately feels lighter as the words leave his mouth.

Fjord can’t help the wide smile that spreads across his face, the two take a moment and memorize each others faces. The hand on Caleb’s face brings him in closer as Fjord begins to speak in a low voice. 

“I love you too.” He leans his forehead against Caleb’s before dipping down to capture his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Aww, how cliche  
> Hope you enjoyed it anyway!  
> Comments and Kudos always appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
